Only Fooling Myself
by k8ln713
Summary: Edward moves back to Forks, his non-existant music career over. He meets & joins a band, discovering that its mysterious guitarist is the beautiful brunette from school, & falls for her. Bella thinks she's only fooling herself to believe he wants her too.
1. Only Fooling Myself

**A.N.: Hello! I decided to upload this one-shot, so I hope you like it. I had this idea come to me yesterday and I just had to write it down, so here it is.**

**My summary is crap in the Twilight archive (if that's what it's called), so here's a better one: Edward moves back to Forks from NYC after failing to make it big in the music business. He then meets and joins the band BlackSwan and also meets the mysterious guitarist Swan, who turns out to be the girl he's been seeing around the college campus in Port Angeles. He doesn't know that it's her, since she dresses like a guy. After a while, they become friends, and Edward soon falls for her. Bella, too, starts falling for Edward, and believes she's only fooling herself if she thinks he could feel the same way. Kate Voegele song fic. Rated T for language.**

**I hope that was good enough. But anyway, if you like it, I always appreciate reviews/comments/feedback. Thanks! :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. SM does. I also don't own the rights to 'I Get It' and "Only Fooling Myself', Kate Voegele does. Just using them as Bella's songs. But I do own this plot.**

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**ONLY FOOLING MYSELF**

**EPOV**

I had just moved back to town about a month ago from New York.

I grew up in Forks, Washington and left when I was eighteen because I couldn't stand how it was one of those small towns that had absolutely nothing there to do - making you drive an hour out to Port Angeles or a three hour road trip to Seattle - and was a town where you just settled. I didn't want to settle in a town like this when I was eighteen and hardly lived. I believed I was meant to be somewhere bigger and that Forks was just too tiny for me to grow in.

When it was time for college applications, I filled it with colleges far away from Washington and applied for scholarships. When my acceptances came back, I realized I had gotten a full ride to NYU, so I automatically knew where I was going. I've always wanted to see NYC, and now I was actually going to be living there.

College was amazing. I made a ton of friends. I majored in music, wanting to be big and be noticed by some record producer... become famous.

Yeah... didn't happen.

All those clubs and bars I played in didn't get me noticed, though I've gotten great feedback from the audience.

Maybe I just wasn't meant to be like that. Maybe it was just meant to be some kind of hobby and not my career. _So much for four years studying music._

After graduating, I got a job at the bar bartending from 'happy hour' to one in the morning, and on breaks I could perform a little. But no job prospects that could make me big.

I'm now turning 25... and now broke and jobless because I got fired the day before for getting into a fight with a regular customer, who happens to be the biggest and sloppiest drunk I've ever met. He was already so far gone, and I had cut him off, which pissed him off.

Then he decided to get a bit touchy and grab one of the waitresses' asses, pulling her to him that she was almost on his lap, and groping her. She struggled against him and he wouldn't let her go, so I stepped in. I was able to pull her from his grasp, then punched him square in the jaw, then the gut, making him fall to the ground. The waitress thanked me for all my help, but still my boss didn't tolerate fighting, especially with his employees fighting customers, so I was out.

I had a small apartment close by, but since I was almost out of money, and only had enough to pay one month's rent and for some food, I knew that it was time to leave New York. Nothing was here for me, and didn't get me anywhere. Besides it had gotten too expensive anyway.

A couple of days after my firing, I got up the courage to call my parents and asked if I could come home. I hadn't seen my parents since Christmas, six months ago.

I felt like a failure. I lasted only seven years on my own, and now I running back to mommy and daddy for help. Some parents would turn their kids down, saying they've gotten themselves into this mess and should be the ones to get themselves out, for they're grown up now. Take responsibility. I was prepared for that. And other parents would welcome their kids back with open arms and help them. My parents are like that.

My mother was excited, especially since I would be back at home for my birthday, for once in seven years, and she said she'd get me my plane ticket home, since I was practically low on cash and could not pay for the ride home. But I was going home... back to Forks. Population: 3120, and with absolutely nothing there.

So here I am.

It's been about a month now. I'm living with my parents, in my old room, and just working at the diner to get some earned cash, and had started taking some classes in the college in Port Angeles, thinking about majoring in business. Since I could play guitar and piano really well, I could probably open up my own music shop and even offer lessons to people. Since I wasn't getting anywhere with my dream, I could at least do something that still involves my passion. And I could at least give someone else a chance to become big thanks to me.

In school, I would see this gorgeous brunette walking around the campus, dressed casually, but still had a feminine flare to her. She was always walking around with a messenger bag across her body and a book in her hand, sometimes her nose in the book if she happened to be sitting down. Seeing her at least once during the day, makes my day. I wish I had the nerve to go up to her, ask her her name and just talk. Maybe we had a class together, and I haven't known for the past month. She was occupying my brain all the time.

One day I was driving the streets of Forks when I started hearing music. Loud rock music. As if someone was playing it right in their front yard. When I got closer to where the music was coming from, I came across a house with its garage doors open and a band playing. They were pretty good.

Then all of a sudden the music just got cut off, the instruments stopping at different times, making the beat sound off. And I heard voices. Loud voices.

"Wait, wait, wait, wait. What the _fuck_ is this? The beat is too fast; it needs to go slower!" I heard one angry male voice say.

"James, I don't know what you're hearing, but it sounds fine to me. Stop being so anal about this," another voice said, addressing 'James', who must have been the first voice.

_"Anal?"_ James yelled back.

"YEAH! You've been like this the entire time we've been a band! Why do you act like this, as if you want to be famous or something. It's not gonna happen. And the rest of us don't want to be famous."

"What, you just want to stay a garage band that plays music for fun all the time, and not get out there and be someone?"

"Look, I got a life here. My dad's here, my wife's here, with our baby on the way. And I've got a job here. I'm 24, trying to be responsible for once. I'm not a kid with rock star dreams anymore, James. I don't give two shits about this band becoming something big. Neither of us do. This is just something that occupies our time. Maybe you need to grow up, too, and think of doing something else as a career, leave music for fun, just like how it started."

"You know what? I'm outta here! We've been a band since starting college, with dreams of going big, and we're still stuck here in _Forks_. Just wanna live the suburban life. Fine... I don't need this!"

I then caught a glimpse of a tall guy with long blonde hair, a bit past his shoulders, looking like he was 24 or 25, in a band shirt and ripped up jeans, waliking out of the garage with his guitar case in hand in a huff. Yeah... he needs to grow up and actually get out of the 90's grunge era.

I noticed how some of the other member were in distress, knowing they just lost a bandmate. A tall, russet skinned guy kicked over some empty soda cans in his rage, pulling at his short black hair. The other members, including another huge guy with dark brown hair and was muscular, standing with his bass in hand, a blonde guy at the drums and another guy, dressed head to toe in black, with his hood up and shades on (don't know what was up with that), didn't move from their spots, but looked to be pissed off.

"I can't believe this! He's always like this! We live in Forks for fuck's sake. We're not gonna get noticed. And we don't want it!" the russet skinned guy said.

"I agree with you Jake. You and I got the garage, I got Rose at home, and she wants to settle down soon; music's just for fun. I don't know what's with James, man," the burly guy with the bass said.

"So... what now?" blonde guy asked. "Do we break up, or something?"

"We can..." Jake started.

"... or we can get someone else," another voice said. I believed it was the guy dressed in all black, with the hood, cap and shades, but his back was turned, so I couldn't confirm it. Besides, it sounded way too girly, if you ask me.

"Swan's got a great idea. Maybe we should just look for another guitar player?" bass guy said.

"Yeah. I mean, I'm sure there can be someone in town who plays guitar, not wanting to make a career out of this. Hey! What about Edward Cullen?" russet guy said.

_Huh?_ Why would he just bring me up out of the blue?

"Yeah, I heard he just moved back to town. Remember when we went to school with him? He was a great guitar player. He moved to New York I think for school, but he's back now. We should just ask him if he's interested," the guy continued.

I took that as my cue to leave. I couldn't listen to this anymore. It would be totally awesome to just play in a band for fun. I've given up on my chance of becoming big, and these guys don't want it. They've got jobs, lives, girlfriends/wives, and one's got a kid on the way. They want to settle, but still have fun.

But I didn't know if I should accept it if they come knocking at my door. I need to focus on my shitty job at the diner, and my business classes so I can open up my own music shop. But it is just in between time, and maybe some gigs just to get some extra cash.

I made it back to my house, and went straight to my room to think. A couple of hours later, I heard the door bell ring, my mother answering it, with a "Hello? How can I help you?" She was always such a sweet lady. I heard a guy's voice.

"Yes, um, is Edward, here?"

"Yes, may I ask who's asking?"

"Jacob Black. We, uh, went to high school together."

"Jacob Black? Oh my goodness! My you've grown like a weed since you graduated!" my mom exclaimed. _What?_

"Yes, ma'am. Finally just grew into my body I guess," Jacob replied with a chuckle.

"OK. Well, let me just call him down. Have a seat in the living room." Then I heard her walk up the stairs, before knocking on my door. I leapt up to unlock it.

"Yeah, mom?"

"Jacob Black is downstairs asking for you. I remember when you two were friends in school. I guess you lost touch with all your friends here," she said.

"Yeah, I did. Now that you mention it, Jacob Black does sound familiar," I replied, with a slight smile on my face.

"Well, he's downstairs."

"OK."

I followed her out of my room and down the stairs to the living room, where the big russet skinned guy from the garage sat on the couch. This was Jacob Black? He was not as tall or as muscular seven years ago. When he saw me, he just stood up, and grinned a bright white smile.

"Edward."

"Jake. Good to see you man," I said, putting my hand out for a handshake, which Jake shook enthusiastically.

"You, too. Look, I really hope I'm not barging in, but I heard you were back in town, and I gotta ask you something," Jake said. We sat across from each other, and Jake went on to tell me what had happened earlier today, though I already knew since I witnessed it, but he didn't need to know that.

"So... we don't want to break up, and that means we need a new guitar player. Someone who would be like us, who cares that it's just for fun and to hang and shit. Maybe play some gigs for extra pocket cash, but otherwise not be like James. I remember that you played a mean guitar, so I automatically thought of you. So... would you be interested?"

"Sure, why the hell not?" I replied.

"Great! Tomorrow, Jasper's place. He's got the bigger garage, and he also plays the drums. Easier to not travel around with them so much. Let me write down directions for you..." Jake wrote all the directions down on a piece of paper I gave him, leading me to the house I saw the entire band at today.

"You'll meet the guys and we'll just chill. And if you got a girl, bring her along. My wife, Leah, Jasper's fiancee, Alice, and Emmett's girlfriend, Rosalie, all chill there sometimes, listening to us play. They also chat a bit in the kitchen, so it'll be nice for her to meet them," Jake went on.

"I don't got a girl. But if I do get one, I'll bring her along one day," I told him as I walked him to the door.

"Cool. See you tomorrow man," he said to me as he made his way out the door and to his Volkswagen Rabbit. I closed the door when he started pulling out of the driveway.

Cool. I would head over to Jasper's and play some music for fun... the reason why I started playing my guitar. It all started with hanging out with my friends and playing guitar, and I was doing it again.

**

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BPOV

Oh my God! James was being such an asshole.

Ever since I moved here four years ago, the beginning of my senior year in high school, he's been such a jerk and just hasn't gotten out of his dream of being a rock star. The rest of us never really wanted it, just wanting to be with friends and play music.

I had met the guys a couple of weeks after moving here from Phoenix to live with my dad, Charlie, police chief of Forks. Jake just happened to be my dad's best friend's son, and was a couple of years older than me. At the time, the two older men were trying to push us together, and we did try going out on a date, but we realized we were better suited as friends. And besides, he already had his eyes on Leah Clearwater for a while, and now, four years later, they're married with a little girl on the way, and have never been happier. Jake's still my best friend, and Leah and I are close, too.

Emmett and Jasper were also good friends with him, and were Jake's age for they've gone to high school together. James was a different story. He was also friends with the other guys, and when Jake introduced me to everyone, saying I could play guitar really well, and could be very useful in the band they had, he's had his eyes on me from the very start, that it was almost creepy.

I kept up this persona that I was a guy because no one would believe that a girl could play the guitar like I could if I lived in this small town. You see the girls acting like girls all the time, going to the mall and getting makeovers and manicures, but I was never that type of girl, even in Phoenix. I never really had any girl friends, making it easier for me to be around guys.

So me dressing like a guy with baggy sweats, Converse, a big hoodie and my Ray Bans on, was easier for me to do when it came to playing, but otherwise I was me with school. I didn't go to my prom. Well if you count playing with the band at prom as going to the prom, then that's different. I was asked out many times as a date for prom, but I turned them all down since Jake's band, which he called _BlackSwan_ because of us, even though I was the newest member, was playing, which means I was, too. I didn't even want to go, so making up another excuse was easy as pie. We played and went home.

So no one except the band, the girls (wife/fiancee/girlfriends of the other members), and my dad knew about my double life.

But back to James...

He was creepy from the start, and even when I was dressed like a guy at practices, he still would flirt and try to ask me out, which I turned down all the time. But he also seemed like he never grew up. He was 25 for Christ's sake. He still had long dirty blonde hair and ripped jeans as if he was transported from the 90's to the future. James also never gave up on his dream of becoming big, even when the rest of us didn't want that kind of life. And he would be pissed all the time if one of us played a wrong note, or went at a faster pace than a song should go. He was incredibly anal about it, like our practices had to be perfect even if we weren't doing this for a career, but just for downtime.

Then today, he just up and leaves, leaving us a guitar player short. I mean, I'm glad he's gone, but still we needed another guitar player.

Jake was freaking out, kicking soda cans and pulling at his hair. God, he doesn't need this stress. He's got a wife at home and a kid on the way, and he is a co-owner of the mechanic shop that he and Emmett have.

"I can't believe this! He's always like this! We live in Forks for fuck's sake. We're not gonna get noticed. And we don't want it!" Jake yelled.

"I agree with you Jake. You and I got the garage, I got Rose at home, and she wants to settle down soon; music's just for fun. I don't know what's with James, man," Emmett said, trying to keep calm, but still looked a bit pissed. He never really liked James.

"So... what now?" Jasper asked. "Do we break up, or something?"

"We can..." Jake started.

"... or we can get someone else," I finished.

"Swan's got a great idea. Maybe we should just look for another guitar player?" Emmett said. He gave me a megawatt smile at me, and I returned it.

They guys liked to call me by my last name when we were at practices and gigs. Well obviously I can't go by Bella on stage, right? It was just a guy thing. And if I meet someone new, and I'm not ready to trust them, I either don't talk, or speak rarely, trying to keep up my guy persona up so no one suspected. I also keep to myself, choosing not to hang with the rest of the band or with the girls, unless outside of the band, when I was just Bella. So if we do get another guitar player, I'm keeping my mouth shut until I'm ready for him to know.

"Yeah. I mean, I'm sure there can be someone in town who plays guitar, not wanting to make a career out of this. Hey! What about Edward Cullen?" Jake asked.

We looked at him kind of funny. _Who was Edward Cullen?_

Then it hit me: Dr. Carlisle Cullen and Esme Cullen's son. I'm on first name basis with them since I'm a regular at the hospital, always getting hurt. And a couple of times, my dad and I have been invited over for dinner. Esme's a wonderful cook.

So now I remember. They've mentioned Edward a couple times in passing, and I've seen some pictures of him on the mantel and the walls. He was a cute baby and a gorgeous man. In his graduation and prom photos, he looked so handsome. He doesn't come home as much, since he was in New York for school, but on holidays he came home. I never see him during his visits 'cause I was always with my mom in Phoenix. I snapped back to reality when Jake continued.

"Yeah, I heard he just moved back to town. Remember when we went to school with him? He was a great guitar player. He moved to New York I think for school, but he's back now. We should just ask him if he's interested."

We all nodded in agreement. Great, he was gorgeous, and I was gonna have to keep to myself until I was ready for him to know about my double life. I don't know how I'm gonna react when he starts playing with us if he accepts our offer.

The next day, we met Edward Cullen. Shit! He was even more gorgeous now that he was almost 25. He was more muscular, his face more chiseled and that mess of bronze hair looking more like sex hair now than in the photos.

And now, I had to act like a mute or a hermit, covering myself up in clothes that didn't show that I was a girl, and hardly speaking. And if I had to speak, I spoke with a hoarse voice.

_Great!_

**

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EPOV

Some weeks had passed, and my time playing with _BlackSwan _was awesome. I still kept to with my job and classes, and in about three years I could start my own store. I met the rest of the guys: Emmett, Jasper and Swan. I remember Emmett and Japer from school, so we easily caught up, though Swan never rang a bell, and that was confirmed because he had moved to Forks his last year of high school and was also two years younger than us. He must have moved here after I left.

And I also met Jake's wife, Leah, five months pregnant with a baby girl on the way, Jasper's fiancee, Alice, and Emmett's girlfriend, Rosalie. They were all pretty cool.

I did notice that Swan was different. He didn't talk much, always dressed in baggy clothes that covered his entire body and had Ray Bans on all the time, hiding his face. _What's with that?_ And he always goes by Swan because he doesn't like his name. Were his parents hippies or something? Something was up, and no one was really telling me anything, except that Swan kept to himself sometimes when new people are around. _Weird._

One day I had come to Jasper's house a bit earlier than usual, since I had finished my shift at the diner earlier and I had nothing to do. But maybe coming by earlier was a big mistake. When I walked into the open garage, I got the biggest surprise of my life: a beautiful brunette with an acoustic guitar and a really good singing voice... dressed in a huge sweatshirt and baggy pants.

She was my beautiful brunette from school and... _Swan._

**

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BPOV

Weeks had passed since Edward joined our band. He fit in perfectly amongst us. We found out he was taking some business courses in Port Angeles, hoping he could open up his own music shop in a few years. He had tried to make it big, but gave up, knowing he wasn't going anywhere, but still wanted to keep music, his passion, close by and give others a chance.

I then realized I had seen him around campus a couple of times, and I swear he'd be staring at me, but I had to be seeing things. Why would he look at me? I'm not even that pretty... just plain old Bella. And he hasn't seen the real _me_ under my guy persona. I'm only fooling myself if he really wanted me.

Things were going good with all of us practicing, and Edward knew all the songs we usually played, and even helped us learn some others. Occasionally he would play ones he wrote.

Though I'm not in this band to become famous, I do write my own songs and music. Most of it's acoustic, but the band and I have always figured out a way to play it with drums, bass and electric guitars. And I do try and sing, and I guess I'm not horrible. I haven't expressed this side with Edward, and have asked the guys not to mention it to him yet, until I was ready to show him the real me.

One day, I was at Jasper's already, the only one in the band, besides Jasper, to be there. I was in my sweatshirt and baggy sweatpants, just not with the hood and shades on yet, since I knew Edward wouldn't be here for a while. I used this time to practice one of the songs I wrote.

_I couldn't make this up  
__I have been outdone by my own kind  
__I always traded up, yeah  
__Now I'm a victim for the first time  
__I'm unaffected, I'm indifferent  
__But I can't pretend that I'm not over the edge, no_

_Well, well baby what do you know  
__You turned the tables on me, didn't you?  
__My, oh my it only serves me right  
__Now I get it  
__This is how hurt feels, yeah yeah  
__I get it  
__It's just what they say it is_

_I was untouchable  
__Until karma crashed my party  
__I found out I'm crushable  
__And I'm the only one who's sorry, baby  
__I don't get rejected, I'm somehow regressed  
__This is unprecedented, oh, no second best, no_

_Oh, baby what do you know  
__You turned the tables on me, didn't you?  
__My, oh my it only serves me right  
__Now I get it  
__This is how hurt, yeah yeah  
__I get it  
__It's just what they say it is, oh_

_No, no  
__No don't you go  
__I do the breaking up around here, oh no  
__Oh, no, don't, don't, don't just steal my show  
__Baby you should be crying these tears_

_Well, well baby, what do you know  
__You turned the tables on me, didn't you?  
__My, oh my it only serves me right  
__Now I get it  
_'_Cause this is how hurt feels, yeah yeah  
__I get it  
__It's just what they say it is__Oh whoa, oh whoa, yeah_

I looked up to reposition myself in my seat, and was shocked to see the one person I didn't want seeing me play.

_Edward._

I gasped in surprise, quickly putting down my guitar and tried to run inside Jasper's house to escape Edward. He looked just as surprised as I did. In my haste to run away, I tripped over my own two feet, as usual, and fell to the ground on my knees. _Oww!_

Edward broke out of his trance and came to my rescue, running over to me and dropping to his knees to help me up.

"Are you OK?" he asked in a whisper, staring into my eyes, me staring right back into his emerald ones.

"Yeah. I'm fine, Edward," I replied.

"So that's your real voice, huh? Can I get a real name, _Swan_?" Edward gave me a crooked smile, and I couldn't help but give a small one back to him.

"Bella," I murmured.

"_Bella..._ I like it. It suits you perfectly," he told me, getting up, then taking my hands and lifting me to my feet, me crashing into his hard body.

"Why does it suit me perfectly?" I wondered.

"Because 'Bella' means beautiful in Italian, and you're beautiful. Even with all this guy stuff on you. By the way, why are you dressing like a guy?"

"Oh... long story."

"I'm sure I can keep up."

"OK... it's actually really hard to explain. In a nutshell, I guess it was because I didn't think people would believe that a girl can play music like I can, and if I dressed like a guy, then no one would question it," I said quickly, wanting to get away from the scrutiny that's about to come. I knew Edward would probably laugh and call me stupid to believe it... even the other guys did, but let it go once they knew it bothered me a bit.

_And I was right... _he started to laugh. Not a loud belly laugh, but more like a chuckle, like it was funny, but maybe not stupid.

"I guess that's a pretty good reason. In fact, I bet lots of the famous women rockers believed no one would take them seriously. But they didn't hide and look where they are now... huge stars!" Edward said to me.

"So you don't think I'm being stupid?" I asked.

"No... but you shouldn't hide anymore. If you go as yourself, and some question it, just prove them wrong by showing off that you are good."

"OK. So I guess I should lose the front, huh?"

"Yeah."

We were silent for a bit, then Edward spoke up.

"Did you write that song you just played?"

"Um... yes, I did," I answered.

"I liked it. A lot. What's it called?" Edward asked.

"'I Get It'. I just wrote it a couple of days ago, and I was gonna play it today for the other guys, not you, since they already know about my double life. Even the girls. If you didn't show up early, I may have gotten away with it, but I guess I'm glad it's out now. A huge weight off my shoulders."

"It was really good. Do you write other songs?"

"Yeah. I've written a few."

"If you're not one who actually wants to be a famous rock star, you should write songs for bands and singers. I'm sure they'd love your songs."

"Yeah... I guess. I'm just finishing school up as an English major. I want to be an author," I said.

"So it _was_ you I kept seeing around campus!" Edward exclaimed.

"Huh?"

"Yeah... I thought I've been seeing you around the college in Port Angeles. Messenger bag, nose in a book, or maybe just carrying one. But I always see you."

"I'm not gonna lie, I've been noticing you, too. I kept seeing you around. I was actually thinking you were watching me or something, but I kept telling myself I was losing my mind. I wouldn't think a guy that looks like you, would even notice me, even with this guy stuff on me," I said to him truthfully. "Besides it's not like I could go up to you and say 'hey what's up?' because you didn't know the real me. Only my facade."

"Don't think that."

"What?"

"Don't think that you're not pretty enough, that no one would see you like that. You're beautiful, even with guy clothes on you. But I do prefer you with the other clothes you wear... jeans, Converse, tank top with a flannel shirt on and your hair down in waves. That's you, and I like you like that. That's when you're the most beautiful - when you're you. And you could have gotten up and spoke to me. I was actually too chicken to do it myself. We could have been best friends by now."

"Thank you, Edward," I whispered. He whispered a 'you're welcome'. We were in our own little bubble, just staring at each other. Then the moment was ruined when Jake, Em and Jasper came piling out of Jasper's house.

"Hey!" Jake yelled. "I guess that cat's out of the bag, then?" he asked me. I just nodded, saying I was gonna change. I had extra clothes with me, ones that actually fit my body.

I returned ten minutes later, looking more like myself, and I promised to do so forever. Never would I return to hiding myself as a guy to please people. Edward said I was a good singer, guitar player and songwriter, and had suggested that I write songs for people, and get paid to do so. I was even considering it.

We played and joked around, having a couple of beers before calling it a night.

I never got Edward's number before, so we logged each other's into our phones, promising we'd chat more often.

And that's what we did. We talked all the time, and we formed this new friendship. We even met up in school during our breaks, which surprisingly we had the same break, eating lunch and just talking.

Before I knew it, Edward was in our band for five months, and we had our first gig in a week, his debut with us. I was also debuting myself as myself.

I also found out I was falling hard for Edward Cullen.

But there was no way he could like me in that way.

I was only fooling myself.

Then it hit me... that was an idea for a song.

I wrote the notes and lyrics to it and I played and explained it to the guys - leaving Edward out of it - and we started practicing it when Edward wasn't around. They had started noticing that I seemed different around Edward, and knew I liked him - a lot. They understood that this song will explain my feelings for him and my feelings of why I think I'm a fool to believed he could love me.

We decided that we would play it at our gig, with me singing it, and Jake holding the place of Edward. When we finish the gig, and Edward gets off stage, that's when I'd play it, hoping Edward would get the song.

_I really hoped it works out._

**

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EPOV

It was the night of our gig in the bar in Port Angeles.

We all met up at Jasper's place, making sure we had everything in his truck. Alice and Jazz were driving with Rose and Emmett. Jake and Leah drove in their sedan, while I offered to drive Bella, and she accepted enthusiastically, saying she just wanted to talk, just the two of us. We have come to becoming the best of friends, but lately I've been feeling things for her, and I enjoyed the time when we could just be alone, without the looks of our bandmates and friends; I'm not so sure how they'll take it that two bandmates were dating each other.

The whole ride in, we just talked about whatever: the gig, school, work... blah blah blah. I enjoyed our talks; it meant that we were close enough to trust the other with what was on our minds, not afraid to express. We were confidants.

I then blurted out the one thing that's been racing in my head ever since I picked her up. Not that I didn't want to say it, but it was kind of random at the moment since we were talking about my shit job as a waiter.

"You look really pretty tonight, Bella." And she did. She had on a pink corset like dress that was really short, a ruffled skirt just about mid-thigh, with gray leggings underneath that stopped below her knees, and her Converse on. She looked amazing to me: really pretty... no beautiful, and still _her_. She stopped dressing like a guy months ago, since I knew her secret, but she took my advice and was herself, not caring what others thought.

"Um... thank you Edward," Bella replied with a shy smile, and I could see her blush profusely. "Alice made me wear the dress, but I felt it was just too short to wear in a bar with drunk and horny guys around, so I put the leggings on. And hell no was I gonna wear heels."

"Good. but even if you didn't wear the leggings or the sneakers, I wouldn't let any guy touch you."

"Thanks. By the way... you look really good yourself," she said with a smirk. I was just in a black tee and jeans with my sneakers... nothing special.

"Thanks."

We finally made it to Port Angeles. I don't think I could take being in the confines of my small car with Bella anymore. Her outfit, though I believed she looked beautiful in it, looked hot on her and was making me hard. And she _smirked_. That smirk almost sent me over the edge. God I don't know how I was gonna get through this gig with her dressed like that next to me.

The gig went really well, and we received good feedback from the audience. It was like I was back in New York playing in the bars... they loved the songs I wrote and the covers I played. I was glad I was in this band. It really reminded me of why I started playing music in the first place.

Our time slot was over, and we all got offstage. I went to the bathroom and got two beers for me and Bella. She told me she'd meet me by the bar when I got out, but she wasn't there. _Maybe she had to freshen herself up._

Then the lights on the stage lit up again, and there was our entire band, with Bella in the front and Jake standing where I usually would. Was I supposed to be up there? I didn't know we were playing again. Did we have another set? I was slightly panicking, but then Bella's soft voice calmed me. _Was she gonna sing?_

"Tonight, we have one more song to play. I wrote this a couple of days ago and I had my band help me with all the music arrangements. I usually just play my own songs acoustically, but I felt this song was good with an entire band playing.

"I wrote it specifically for a special person who I've recently become really close to, and I want to tell him how I feel. So... here we go."

Bella adjusted her acoustic guitar over her shoulder, placing her fingers on the strings in the right places. She didn't start playing just yet, waiting for the sweet melody playing through the keyboards, played by Alice. _I didn't know she could play._

Bella then started strumming a bit and started singing.

_I stop to catch my breath and I  
__Stop to catch your eye  
__No need to second-guess  
__That you've been on my mind_

After the first part, the rest of the band kicked in, Bella still singing with her sweet voice. The lyrics were so deep. The chorus hit me hard, and Bella was looking directly at me, Alice singing beautifully in the background, just not like Bella. She had the voice of an angel.

_Well, I  
__Dream days away, but that's okay  
__It's like I want to hear a silent sound  
__And then hold it in my hand  
__But a rose won't blossom from a ground  
__Of desert sand, but I like to pretend that_

_One day I'll turn around  
__I'll see your hand reach out  
__I'm only fooling myself, yeah yeah yeah  
__But maybe when you smile  
__It means you'd stay awhile  
__Just maybe you'd save me now  
__I'm only fooling myself, yeah yeah yeah  
__I'm only fooling myself_

The song continued, lyrics deep and meaningful, and sung to me. Bella was telling me how she felt to me, because she felt something for me. She was going on about how she was only fooling herself that I could feel something for her, but she was a fool to think that. If only she knew how I felt. I was in love with Bella.

_Well, now it's etched in stone  
__That I  
__That I can't survive alone  
__You have the missing piece that I  
__I need so desperately  
__Yes, I  
__Slip away to a day that'll never come  
__It's like a splash of water to my face  
__When I suddenly realize  
__That you could never find a place  
__For me in your eyes  
__And I don't know why I keep thinking_

_One day I'll turn around  
__I'll see your hand reach out  
__I'm only fooling myself, yeah yeah yeah  
__But maybe when you smile  
__It means you'd stay awhile  
__Just maybe you'd save me now  
__I'm only fooling myself, yeah yeah yeah  
__I'm only fooling myself_

_It's love in disguise  
__Lost in your eyes  
__Lost in your eyes!_

_One day I'll turn around  
__I'll see your hand reach out  
__I'm only fooling myself, yeah yeah yeah  
__But maybe when you smile  
__It means you'd stay awhile  
__Just maybe you'd save me _

_One day I'll turn around  
__I'll see your hand reach out  
__I'm only fooling myself, yeah yeah yeah  
__But maybe when you smile  
__It means you'd stay awhile  
__Just maybe you'd save me now  
__I'm only fooling myself, yeah yeah yeah  
__I'm only fooling myself  
__Oh, save me now!  
__I'm only fooling myself, yeah yeah yeah  
__Yeah, save me now_

The song ended now, with the remainder of the guitar riffs made by Jake. He was actually pretty good guitar player. But all I could really care is about Bella. She made her way offstage and toward me. I couldn't help but stare at her. She looked apprehensive... nervous about my reaction to her confession of her love for me.

"Hey..." she murmured.

"Is that how you really feel? That you think you're a fool that I don't feel the same?" I asked. We were about a foot apart. All I had to do was pull her close to me and express how I feel.

"Yes. It doesn't make sense for you to love me. You're everything... handsome, talented, wonderful. And I'm... nothing. Just plain. So I am only fooling myself, thinking you to feel the way I do," Bella answered sadly. I could see small tears falling down her face, though she wasn't outright bawling. She made a move to escape before I could explain how I feel. But I was able to grasp her wrist and pull her the one foot distance to me, our lips a couple of inches apart.

"You are a fool..." I started to say.

"I knew it," she whispered.

"... a fool to believe I don't want you," I continued. "Bella... I love you. You're everything to me. You're the things you said about me, but replaced with beautiful instead of handsome, and so much more. I should be on my knees to even be in your presence."

"You love me?" she asked, surprised.

"Yes. Truly, madly, deeply. Forever and always. I don't want anyone else but you, my beautiful Bella."

"I love you, too, Edward."

And with that we had our first kiss... sweet and passionate all at the same time.

* * *

**A.N.: So I really hoped you liked it. Send me some love if you did. I really like feedback.**

**And if you would like me to do a full story on this... let me know.**

**Picture of Bella's dress that she wears at the gig is on my Flickr account, so check my homepage on FanFic for the link if you'd like to see the picture. I believe it's still on the Victoria's Secret website still if you'd like to buy the dress.**

**Links to the Kate Voegele songs are here:**  
**'I Get It (Acoustic Version)':http:/www(.)youtube(.)com/watch?v=BUZFQOyA2GM**  
**'Only Fooling Myself':http:/www(.)youtube(.)com/watch?v=l3neefoBl44**

**I really recommend Kate Voegele's music, so just search her albums _Don't Look Away _and _A Fine Mess _and listen to them. Really good! :) I guess you could consider it pop/rock, but she writes all her music and plays guitar and piano (that I know of), so it's not any fake crap that some singers put out.**

**Again... send me some love :D Bye!**


	2. IMPORTANT AN!

**AUTHOR'S NOTE**

**OK, so this is about my next story.**

**It's an Edward and Bella story, and here's a summary oabout it:**

**Bella and Edward are mutual friends in high school (friends with Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Rose, so that makes them friends). Both are in love with the other, but neiehr know the other feels that way. At a high school graduation party, both get drunk and hook up, Edward taking Bella's virginity. Bella ends up pregnant, but has no idea what college Edward went to and has no idea how to contact him. Ten years later, Bella has her son, Anthony (nicknamed AJ), and takes him to his fifth grade classroom, and who does she bump into? Edward! He's AJ's teacher. They reconnect and realize they've been in love and want to be a family for AJ. Lots of romance, lemons, and drama to come.**

**OK... so that's basically what it's about. I've got like five chapters done. But I have no idea what to call it, so I'd love it if you all posted a comment to this chapter with title suggestions and when I'm getting ready to post, I'll do a poll (so make sure you check my profile every now and then to look for it) with all the suggestions and you all vote on it. So please help me! Thank you!**

**IT'S NOW CLOSED TO GIVE ME SUGGESTIONS! POLL POSTED! PLEASE VOTE! THANK YOU! :)**


	3. MY WEBSITE IS UP!

I NOW HAVE A WEBSITE UP!

CHECK OUT MY PROFILE FOR A LINK (CLICK 'HOMEPAGE') AND IT'LL DIRECT YOU THERE!

THIS WEBSITE HAS ALL MY PHOTOS UP THERE. I'LL POST BLOG POSTS OCCASIONALLY AND UPLOAD ANY FUTURE PICTURES THERE INSTEAD OF MY FLICKR, THOUGH MY FLICKR ACCOUNT IS STILL UP. I'LL JUST NOT UPLOAD ANY MORE PICS THERE EXCEPT ANY FUTURE BANNERS.

HOPE YOU CHECK IT OUT! :D


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